Have you ever reflected on where your words stem from? Words are a by-product of our thoughts. I don’t know about you, but that tends to scare me a little. We are not perfect humans and if we were to be completely honest with ourselves, we would be confronted with the fact that our thoughts are not always pure and virtuous, they can instead be dark and shameful. These same thoughts give rise to the words that come out of our mouths.
Words are but one method of communication. We also communicate with our facial expressions, our body language, the tone and pitch of our voice, our gestures and physical distance. That said, by far the most powerful are spoken words.
Words can uplift or tear down
Words can discourage or encourage
Words can criticize or support
Words can be harsh or tender
Words can disrespect or respect
Words can humiliate or admire
Words can wound or heal
Words can divide or unite
Words can love or hate
Words can be lies or truth
Words can be gracious or cruel
Words can be arrogant or humble
Words can be reckless or thoughtful
As you look at this list, I wonder what life experiences have been brought before you as a result of the words that you have said or the words that have been said to you. My heart breaks for those of you who have suffered from hurtful words. My heart equally rejoices for those of you who have been uplifted and loved through words. My heart is thankful to those of you who choose your words ever so carefully, for you are wise and those around you benefit from your words.
I suspect that not everyone thinks of words as weapons of love and hate, but I do. In my life I have been on the receiving end of both of those and I can’t even begin to express the joy and the pain that those words have had on me. I would hazard to guess that you have experienced the same in your life. If we know the impact that this had on us, wouldn’t this be enough to motivate us to ensure that our words are guarded with our loved ones? One would think so, wouldn’t they?
Unfortunately, there are so many other factors at play in our exchanges with other people. What emotional state they and we are in, what stressors are influencing (physical, emotional, financial, relational), what they are experiencing in their careers, their families, their responsibilities. No one can entirely understand the fullness of the load that any one person is carrying on any given moment, on any given day. None of this serves as an excuse for the words we release from our lips, but it does provide perspective, and grace – because the reality is none of us are perfect with our words. Having said all that, we have a responsibility to choose our words with great care. God’s word tell us that our words should be:
Wise
Wise words are rooted in God’s truth and the lessons of the gospel. Wise words rise from righteous thoughts and a pure heart. While none of us can attain righteous thoughts and a pure heart on our own, we know that God provides to those who ask – and so too it is with our words.
Job 33:3 My words come from an upright heart; my lips sincerely speak what I know.
Proverbs 12:18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Ecclesiastes 9:17 The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools.
Ecclesiastes 10:12 Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips.
Psalm 49:3 My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the meditation of my heart will give you understanding.
Few and Impactful
Looking at the story of Job, I am impacted by how his friends came to him in such a desolate and despairing time in his life. Job lost everything and I mean everything. Three of Job’s friends came to sympathize with him and comfort him. They agonized with him. Job 3:13 “They sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” There are moments when words simply have no place. Instead, actions of sympathy and physical presence are called for. (As a side note, after their seven days of silence with Job, his friends began to give their advice, and unfortunately their words were way offside and angered God.)
Proverbs 17:27 The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
Ecclesiastes 6:11 The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?
Proverbs 10:19 Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.
Gracious
Kind words, pleasant words, courteous words, words that feed the soul – that is what gracious words are. Gracious words build people up and do not tear them down. Gracious words are nurturing.
Proverbs 15:26 The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but gracious words are pure in his sight.
Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction.
Seasoned with Love
I wonder, have you ever had to have a difficult conversation with someone you love? Or perhaps you received difficult words that were seasoned with love? I remember our pastor had a series on confrontation and one of the lessons I recall was when we confront with love, it makes it more bearable to receive the words. It doesn’t mean that the person will not be hurt, but it does help them to understand that there was care, thought and love in delivering the message.
Colossians 4:6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Truthful
I am sure you have all heard of the saying “Honesty is the best policy”. This common saying dates back to the 1500s and means it is better to tell the truth, than to lie regardless of the consequences that may arise as a result. Are our words honest and truthful? Do they demonstrate sincerity and trustworthiness?
Proverbs 8:8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse.
Psalm 55:21 His talk is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords.
Psalm 36:3 The words of their mouths are wicked and deceitful; they fail to act wisely or do good.
Spirit-filled
In every exchange we have with another person, we are given an opportunity to have our words guided by the Holy Spirit. I believe it is only a matter of whether we wish to relinquish our control over our words or not. Do we think we know better than the Holy Spirit?
1 Corinthians 2:13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.
Ephesians 6:19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel.
Thoughtful
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, words have power. To not be mindful of this, is to do a great disservice to ourselves and others. While we will not be perfect with our words, we need to do what we can to be mindful. Contemplate what needs to be said and what can be left unsaid. Give way to a delivery that is in tune with perhaps a more sensitive individual as opposed to someone who is more resilient. Consider the maturity or immaturity of the individual. Be sympathetic to life experiences that have created scars and insecurities in the life of that individual.
Proverbs 17:27 The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
Heavenly Father, if it was only so that we would allow the beauty of the Holy Spirit to prepare our every word before it escapes our mouth. Yet we resist your perfect way because of our prideful ways. Here us Father as we pray Psalm 19:14 “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”. Might this be our prayer to you in every moment of every day that we are blessed to walk on this earth to serve you. Amen.