Have you ever had an experience that you knew God guided and supported you through?  You know that what you achieved you could not have accomplished on your own.  You know beyond a shadow of a doubt He gave you the power, the strength, the wisdom, the energy, the words to get through it.  And when it was all said and done, did you look back in awe and recognize God’s fingerprints all over it?  After this experience sometime later, did you find yourself in another situation that overwhelmed you, and you were ready to give up?

When John The Baptist was imprisoned, I wonder if he was ready to give up.  John spent his life in faithful obedience preparing the way for Jesus.  In Matthew 11:2-3 we see John in a state of confusion, “When John heard in prison what Christ was doing, he sent his disciples to ask him “Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?”  When I read these verses, it took me by surprise.  How could John question if Jesus was the Messiah?  After all, we see in Matthew 3:16-17 John witnessed the proclamation of who Jesus was.  “At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him.  And a voice from heaven said, “this is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased”.  I don’t know about you, but it strikes me that it can’t get much clearer than that, can it?

Yet here we find John questioning if Jesus was in fact the promised Savior.  It shocked me; does it shock you too?  As Jesus’ cousin, do you think John wondered “why aren’t you delivering me God?”  John was in a state of confusion, why was he in jail?  Hadn’t he devoted his life to preparing the way for Jesus?  Didn’t Jesus delight in John’s work?  Why was he being punished for speaking truth?  Where was Jesus to protect him?  John’s reality did not match his expectations and it cracked the very foundation of his beliefs.  Even though John heard the voice of Yahweh, even though he witnessed the outpouring and magnificence of Jesus’ anointing, he couldn’t draw on that experience to remind himself of the power and splendor of God.  It would be baffling to us, except that…. except that we too have or will have witnessed the power of God in our lives and have been left breathless.  Yet after that mountaintop experience where we witnessed the power and love of God, we encountered our own devastation throwing us into another valley.  Like John suddenly, our own reality didn’t align with the expectations we had for our life.  Perhaps it was a blow from life we didn’t see coming, a loss so great our hearts are broken.  An upheaval in our lives that we never anticipated.  I wonder during that time did you wonder where God was?  Did you blast question after question, trying to figure out “what’s the plan here God?” “Why aren’t you rescuing me from this prison, this situation?”.  Or maybe you mourned a life you dreamed of.  “God my heart is broken for what never came to be” or “This is not how I pictured my life”.  Maybe you just can’t escape the seemingly hopelessness of a situation and are overwhelmed.

I would love to tell you “Everything will work out fine”.  But sometimes it just doesn’t and it didn’t for John, not in this world anyway.  John was imprisoned and was beheaded unjustly, and Jesus did not change that situation.  He just didn’t.  With our worldly eyes we see defeat, injustice, heartache, and despair.  But God saw something entirely different, that we cannot see.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, God knew exactly what He was doing, there was and is no fault – ever to the unfolding of His plans.  It is our choice to embrace it, fight it or wallow in it.

I recently had my own mountaintop experience, where God sustained me and displayed His power and splendor through a seemingly impossible transition.  You see, my mom has Alzheimer’s alongside other mental illnesses, and her care needs reached a level that necessitated a move to a facility that would come alongside her and meet her daily care needs.  While you might be wondering, what is the challenge in that?  The details are many and if we sat down together over coffee, I would share my testimony with you.  For now, suffice it to say that I encountered emotionally overwhelming challenges that I could not have overcome on my own. But I can say unequivocally that God brought me through that, He gave me every strength, every wisdom and bit of patience to get through this devastating transition.  It is a testimony to a mountaintop experience I had with God never leaving or forsaking me and I pray that I will hold fast to that memory.

But like John, that memory did fade momentarily and weeks later I found myself in a mindset, where I wanted to run away.  Thoughts went through my head like: This isn’t fair, I don’t want to do this.  This isn’t the way life was supposed to be and this isn’t the way I saw myself spending time at this stage of my life.  I was frustrated, I was bitter, and I was self-centered.  The point is, like John, my reality is not matching my expectations.  That reality isn’t going to change for me, and John’s reality didn’t change for him.  Perhaps your reality isn’t going to change for you.

When we are walking the path of reality placed before us, Jesus doesn’t leave us.  No, instead we leave him.  We put him on a shelf, so we can have our temper tantrum.   And yes, I did it.  I’m not proud of it, but my emotions got the better of me.  I was bitter for the responsibility that weighed upon me, for the time it steals from me, and for my emotions that play me.  Sometimes I just want to be freed.  Maybe you can relate.  Are you perhaps so tired of living in a pandemic and feel that a chunk of your life was stolen for you?  A time when you were supposed to be celebrating big life achievements and spending time with friends and family?  Maybe you had a relational breakdown with who you thought would be your forever partner?  Maybe you, like John, are in a state of confusion, wondering “what is God doing? Why isn’t He showing up?”

I don’t think we will always do well in these circumstances, and we will have emotional experiences from time to time.  But I also think God knows His children and He sees our heart.  He knows we love Him and we are doing our best to be obedient.  I believe His grace spills out upon us during our meltdowns and He always gives us what we need, which does not always match what we think we need.  And so, we trust in him.  We trust him in the messy, yucky stuff of our lives.  We trust him when life doesn’t measure up.  We trust him in our temper tantrums.  We trust – we must.

Sometimes life can be tough, and we feel disillusioned – and that is okay.  But it is not okay to stay there, God wants so much more for us.  We need to connect with Him so deeply so that we can feel His tenderness surround us  and settle us into our reality, our circumstances.  Moreover, we need to embrace the peace that is available to us in the middle of our circumstances.  It is there for the taking – God has reserved it just for us.

Father in Heaven, in our human minds we at times can be so convinced of what is best for us.  We want comfortable lives that don’t cause us pain, we prefer to be left in our bubble of comfort.  But You Lord, You love us way too much to leave us there.  Instead, You burst our bubble and you expose us to hard and painful situations for our betterment.  While we don’t understand Your ways, help us to trust in You completely.  Help us to step into those uncomfortable places when we don’t want to.  Help us to embrace the places we were forced into.  Help us to trust that what we see with our eyes here and now, will not compare with the beauty of what we will see in Your kingdom.  For You are God.  Amen